Maggie

A 16 years old girl standing at 5 ft. 4 in. with silky straight black hair, brown almond eyes, sharp nose and bow-shaped lips is looking flustered at the corner. She might not be the prettiest but she has decent features and athletic build – minus the extensive muscle bulk and prominent abs. Her name is Mag; Maggie J. William.

“Sweetheart, have you got your keys?” asks Miss Stewart to Mag. Miss Stewart is a late 40s college advisor. She is wearing a cat-eye glasses that suits her oval face. She doesn’t look her age. Miss Stewart’s motherly voice and warm smile relaxes Mag.

“Yes, but I haven’t got a clue where my room is. I missed the tour group and am waiting for the next one” Mag explains herself. “Oh dear, that was the last for today.” Mag is perplexed to hear Miss Stewart’s response. Miss Stewart pauses for a minute and talks to someone on her phone.

“Oohhh… Shame on me. I haven’t introduced myself, have I? I’m Miss Stewart, the students’ advisor and will be taking care of you and your friends throughout your stay here, so that’ll be a brilliant 4 years. Yes?”  Miss Stewart smiles again, flaunting her straight pearly white teeth. “… and what’s your name again, darling?”

“I’m Maggie Williams but you can call me Mag. Nice to meet you Miss Stewart”. “Likewise. Now, I’ll be taking you to your room but would you mind if we stop at my office on our way?” says Miss Stewart; not really looking for Mag’s approval but is just being courteous.

 


 

“Have a seat, please. Help yourself with the chocolates!” Miss Stewart bubbly shouts as she walks into another room filled with files. Mag is left alone in Miss Stewart’s office. The office isn’t too big but looks very comfortable and spacious enough for Miss Stewart and a couple of guests. Mag looks into a bowl filled with chocolates; there are Hershey’s, BonBon, Mars, M&M, Cloud9 and Snickers. All of Mag’s favourite. The snacks outpour the bowl  and to Mag least ethical conscience, she starts to take one each. “Well, Miss Stewart wouldn’t notice it because God knows how much she has in this bowl”, Mag trying to wash away her guilt.

While she’s savouring her guilty pleasure, Mag hears a loud crashing sound.

To be continued.

Cold-hearted

I am not quick to forgive.

There has always been a trend in news articles. One time, it was about rape, the other was about homicide, then there was child abandonment. Now, it’s time for bullying reports.

Not saying that the news aren’t good but the fact that people; precisely newspapers and local news authors, would only shed light at the subject once there’s something big happened is absurd – just like how the Paralympic athletes were glorified only after three of them managed to bring home our first Paralympic (and thus Olympic level) gold medals. Pity.

Since a few weeks ago, the new have been flooded by in-school torment. It all started when a child had to be amputated and died not long after the surgery due to being unjustly tortured by the school warden. If you read the paper today, there’s a list of bully cases.

It is a long overdue duty of the public communicators to drive authorities’ attention because that’s how things work here. The authorities are very economical at giving attention to the mid&low-class citizens. Things should have been handled long ago. Rules and regulations should have been put into practice when things were only budding. Children’s voice should have been heard and attended to. But being in a society where the elderly is always right has put us in jeopardy.

When I was in boarding school, I experienced somewhat senior-junior nasty treatment too. The juniors had to stay awake up until 4 am to decorate the dormitory while the seniors were sound asleep. We had to do it in the dark and weren’t allowed to do it in the study room (with lights) because someone else is studying. Some of us tried fixing the norms only to be verbally assault by the seniors. We tried telling the teachers, parents and whoever there was. It was to no avail.

Try to talk it through with them.

Try doing it at other times.

It’s okay. You’re gonna be doing the same thing once you’re a senior.

These are some of the useless advises we received. The last one caught me the most. If an adult could be saying those words, there shall be no end to the vicious cycle. I had it enough that if I were to be given a chance to relive the experience, I won’t do it.

This is not a small matter that could be silenced. I surely hope it’s not. Drastic yet pragmatic measures should be taken. The youths are our future. If schools and home don’t curb the violence of any form now, I can only imagine a barbaric 2030.

The world is already filled with problems. Having another problem would only break the society harder. In a world full of injustice and filthy things, let’s make a room for hope. A hope for the better.

Till then, peace be upon you.

Free-rider and victim player

I can’t believe that I’d encounter these childish memories again.

The difference is, I stand up for myself now.

I really hate it when there’s a person in my group not doing his/her job. I usually give people chances to prove me wrong. I got really angry when I’m not. Being in a group, regardless for whatever reason or how small the thing is, means that everyone has to play their role. Respond to every questions thrown, get involve in every discussion, complete your task, know your responsibility and all the common sense a cute 5 years old would have understood.

The second type of people which I find utterly, unbelievably rubbish are victim players; the VPs. These type of people are the ones who create the storm and hate the rain. But guess what, you got into your own trap. There’s this person whom I work with. She was nice and friendly. I realised that she was slowly becoming unfaithful with her job. One day, I texted her because she wasn’t being honest with her clock-out time. I asked her if she wrote it wrong and whether she’d like me to help her inform our manager that she had to go home early. She replied yes and so, I helped to inform  about her calamity because we weren’t allowed to leave early without a strong reason. Then, she got mad because I corrected her time-out. I was confused. Can you do the Math for me, please? Of course the manager would realise her incorrectly written time-out since the manager had been informed of her early departure. I just saved her bloody ass and she got mad at me!? Things were left as it is.

Recently, starting from last month, I realised that she’d been cheating her clock-in an clock-out time again. First, it was 30 minutes, it progressively became 3 hours. She dared to text me and A telling that she’s gonna be late and we’re allowed to leave early. Basically, she was trying to claim for the early hours and wanted to be fair. Neither me nor A replied her. Unfortunately, I was working double-shift and couldn’t leave early as she wanted me to and A wasn’t working the said shift. A was working the evening shift. I decided to discuss with A without disclosing her name because I wanted to have a neutral opinion just in case I got carried away by emotions.

A was spot on. I didn’t need to tell her name because guess what, she’s been doing it to everyone and A happened to realise it too. So, we got to a final decision and went to see our manager the next morning.

The manager wasn’t surprised because that girl is known for her troubles. The manager went to talk to her and listen to her part of the story. She was lying here and there, unconsciously setting her own trap. Later, she sent in her resignation text and expressed her ghastly sadness for being ‘backstabbed’.

There were dramas in between. A and I couldn’t be bothered, she was begging for sympathy and making us look bad.

Little did we know, she went to see the vice and told the vice her loop-sided story. She was stern on her decision to quit due to tremendous stress. Naturally, the manager was called in. When things were made clear, she had no one on her side. The manager was indeed pissed off. The manager tried her very best to keep it out from the vice so that the ungrateful child won’t get penalised for I) lying II) unprofessional behaviour and III) breaching the employment contract. Now that this small matter has become big, I doubt she’d feel anymore peace than she was.

Truth is, it’s really annoying to deal with these kind of people. When you try to correct them, they get angry. They want the results but don’t work for it. Let’s face it, people like these are still around. I wonder if there’s a rehab for them.

Readers, regardless of what religion you believe in, there’s this rule where we get what we give. Some call it karma. Be kind to one another.

Till then, may peace be upon you.

 

Heartbroken

Trust me, I tried to include a picture but the tech failed me.

Or maybe it’s helping me not to embarrass myself with my crude photography skills.

Anyway.

Who hasn’t been heartbroken? From Timberlake-Spears to Bieber-Gomez to Jolie-Pitt breakups. But I guess the most childish yet realistic heartbreak would be seeing your crush got hitched  by someone else. *laughs-cries-laughs-cries

Here I am, listening to Tat’s – B.O.M.O on repeat trynna make myself feel better.

Wait. Don’t get the wrong idea.

I have many crush-s (???). Never have I intended to come clean or confront because I know it’s all temporary. I’ve had a decade long crush on Daniel Radcliffe and guess what, it’s all history now. Oh, one national athlete was in my crush list for 3 years too but I decided to call it a quit when he got married. Bahahaha. I KNOW RIGHT. *rollseyes.

I don’t think it’s wrong to have hidden feelings for others as long as it doesn’t turn us into perverts (or monsters). However, it does cost us a lot – not wanting to wake up when you dream of your crush, replaying the dream over and over again, making the effort to create a new storyline based on that one dream and here’s the killjoy, knowing that you’d never be together.

So, here’s to those who get me:

We could be so damn good together, but I could do so much better on my own.

I’m better on my own, oh yeahh!

Till then, keep chasing your dream and peace be unto you.

Severus Snape

Many of my friends are well-informed that I’m an avid Potterhead. It’s just so hard for me to not like it even after re-running the series a few times.

I’ve to admit that I started watching HP with no expectation. I was 8. But, Daniel Radcliffe was so adorable that I could hardly wait for the new series. The gap period was a torture.

Like everyone else, I age with HP, gracefully I hope.

As I grow, I realised that my perspectives of the series evolved and still are.

Awhile ago, I tried to view the whole series in Snape’s perspective. My job was made easier with Pottermore. It was gobsmacking.

Viewers were surprised with the plot twist towards the end of the series. Snape who was once thought to be the villain was actually an unsung hero. Well, I’d call him stupid for not coming clean with Harry earlier but that won’t make it the HP we know today. Urm well, that also made Harry look bad – ungrateful.

Well, things are like that in real life too. Not appropriately acknowledged for our own work and worse, another person gets all the credit.

I learnt not to be judgemental. It’s hard not to jump into conclusion so quickly. To be able to think rationally and put aside our emotions are not easy but nothing is more ethical than that. We ought to mix our emotions when we decide instantaneously and that’s why first impressions aren’t always right. Ironically, people emphasise on that. Even when you’re out to buy some fancy fish, the fishmonger would unintentionally analyse you from top to toe. We’re living in a judgemental society. Who can we blame?

Bringing it to a different context – racism, phobias, supremacy, etc.

I have seen how people categorise others into whatever that suits them just by a few encounters – not all black people are gangsters, not all muslims are terrorists, not all white are great, not all Asians are “kiasu” (in fact, Asians aren’t just Chinese or Japanese), not all handicaps are disabled. People really need to stop labelling others.

My take home message is, stop judging and start to understand.

Till then, may peace be upon you.

Parents

I thought twice to write this.

I didn’t want people to misunderstand me but sometimes, I need the reminder.

When I was small, I couldn’t wait to be a grown up and have everything on my own. I thought life was very simple. Finish school, get a job, buy a house and a car. On days when no boy ruined my mood or I met a cute one, I even hoped for a husband. I’ve also planned to buy brilliant things for my parents and repay their deeds.

I don’t know if its age or peer pressure. Either one, it’s pushing me to do things instantly. As you may already know, I do part-time work and thank God, I’m paid every month accordingly. I have this urge to spend it on my family, especially my parents. I plan to bring them on a vacation, a short get-away. One that’s within my budget yet nice. It doesn’t have to be Europe or a 5-star hotel. As long as I can afford it and it’s fun for them, I’ll be more than happy.

However, my parents have not agreed to any of my proposals. They want me to save it for myself. They said I can do that once I’ve graduated and got a proper job.

I can’t even pay for their meals. I might have done it once but that’s because my parents forgot to withdraw their money and I was already sprinting to the cashier. I went straight to the toilet afterwards so they couldn’t catch me to pay me back.

Parents are one of our best treasure. The best gift in human form, really. They always put us first. They don’t mind starving whole day at work just so their children get their pocket money. They don’t mind working extra hard to earn more to ensure that their children get the best.

Sometimes they came back from work looking weary and we greeted them with, “You’re late dad/mom. Where’s food? I’m starving to death”. At times when they had nothing left in the pocket, we ungratefully asked them for money “Mom/Dad, I need RM15 for a school trip”, and when they asked us to wait or explained that they had no money for that, some of us refuse to understand. RM15 might seem little for some but not until you’re the one who have to work for it and pay for everything.

I get really upset when I see young teens getting all dressed up and wearing expensive clothes and make-up if I know that they’re not buying it using their hard-earned money. I know some people who spend beyond their limit and keep asking from their parents when I know they are from low to average-income family.

I’m not stopping them to enjoy their youth but there are so many ways to do it. Spending a small pool of money on a RM20 cup of coffee, RM200 jeans, RM300 shoes, RM15 movie ticket, RM10 on popcorn set and God-knows-what is just, ridiculous. I don’t mind if your parents are wealthy. Go ahead! I’m not going to stop you.

In short, I do think people need to learn and spend within their means. Secondly, we need to appreciate our parents. We’re not going to be here if it’s not for them. Thirdly, choices are ours, so do the responsibility of making the choice. Be wise.

Till then, may peace be upon you.

Cursing

I curse a lot. More often I curse alone. There’s a temporary satisfaction to it. The satisfaction then turns into guilt and embarrassment. A respectable man once said,

Filthy language is used by people who don’t have maturity or intelligence to express themselves with better words.

– Nouman Ali Khan

At times, it’s very hard to control our anger and disappointment. Many resort to using foul words to express it. The angrier they get, the harsher the words. Thing as simple as dropping a cup could trigger a person to say ‘sh**’. Do your maths what would be uttered if someone hit one’s car.

I had (still having) a very challenging days where one of my group mate was not cooperating. It could be my overthinking skill to question his reasons but I still gave him chances to prove me wrong. One day, I had enough. I had to get him out of my way and put this to an end. So, I emailed the lecturer in charge to inform and hoping for a solution i.e. to exclude him from the group. I was disappointed with the response. The lecturer asked me to proceed and do nothing about the guy. Lecturer was saying “let’s not drop anyone for now. It’s a good chance for you to learn how to handle the group. Let the person decides based on his consciousness”.

#$^%^&*@%$^??????

…and here I am, talking all by myself, “Ahha, excuse me. I’ve done everything I could to get him involved. If he’s not replying or picking up calls or showing up, what more can I do? Go to his freaking house?!”

Then my brother told me to just let it go. You do you, I do me. It was hard. Still is. But, the willingness to let go, gave me so much peace. I knew that the guy could be worse and was already thinking all of the possible scenes during our presentation day. I was a mad pessimistic lady. It wasn’t helpful. I couldn’t concentrate on my works. I felt uneasy and there was a constant resentment to that guy.

Then, my brother came in and stroke me straight up, “Halting your work because of one problematic person, isn’t a good trait of leadership and team work. There’s always someone who has to do shit but why would you let that stop you.” I laughed at myself. Ooohh, that hurts. Okay abang. Silenced by the strong wisdom.

Didn’t know that my brother could sense my overwhelming stress (I didn’t think it’s stress. More of an anger and fighting for justice). Even I tried to deny it – but I’m a horrible actor, so eventually everyone knows.

Anyway, after the unsatisfactory reply from the lecturer, I prompted the lecturer with a more close-end and straightforward question, “Kindly advise me and the others regarding this matter” and CC-ed to the dean (cause the lecturer said he had discussed it with the dean). Then only I receive a clear-cut answer. Basically, we’re going to have a feedback sheet and we could mark our group members. So, that’s reassuring enough.

Do keep in mind that the decision was agreed by the other member and was a result after discussing with the deputy dean (deputy dean was acting as our adviser) who also advised us to report to the assigned lecturer.

During this period, I’ve said countless cursing words. I was so angry because I couldn’t tolerate such behaviour. However, I managed to be professional when talking to him as not to spark any nonsense arguments because,

The moment you start arguing with an ignorant fool, you have already lost.

-Saidina Ali

In the end, I learned a thing or two. You have to try your best but when it doesn’t work, you have to understand that it’s no longer your fight. Just like the classic rabbit and turtle, you have to carry on with what’s best for you and don’t let the arrogant rabbit stops you from reaching the finishing line.

Until then, may peace be upon us.

What is this service!?

I guess I’m quite a fussy customer because I belief that everyone deserves to get the best service, or at least equal to anyone else who pays the same price.

IT gadget service provider:

In my previous post I mentioned that my keyboard wasn’t working and apparently, I had to send it twice. Today, I went to collect my laptop and albeit the buttons are softer now, the space-bar key is still not working properly. The technician said that it couldn’t be help. I am mad. But I’ve lost hope for them. I plan to go to the center and ask for their second opinion.

Dermatologist:

I went to this established private dermatology clinic. You can see their advertisements on highway billboards. They were on TV and tabloids too. God, they left such a great first impression.

I traveled for over an hour to consult the founder. Alas, I was given very bad consultation. Mind that I didn’t tell the doctor that I’ve actually seen another specialist because I didn’t want to influence his decision.

M: Hi doc. I’ve got a condition. I went to GP and they prescribed me with such-and-such treatment. But it’s getting worse now and I couldn’t take it anymore.

D: Oh, how long has it been? Where else do you have it? Is there any trigger? Oh, this  might be this condition.

M: Can you explain it to me, please?

D: Urm, it’s a skin disease. Many people have it.

M: How did that happen?

D: Well, it’s when your skin replenishes fast.

….

I didn’t like the consultation. He didn’t bother to tell me anything. I had to ask him everything. I paid him hundreds for such a lousy service. He prescribed me with a very strong medications because every time I apply the cream, my skin shrinks (you know the thing you have when you’re in pool for too long). That was the last time I went to see him. Now, whenever people ask me about the clinic, I told them to forget it.

ENT specialist:

I had clogged ear. I went to a clinic and they weren’t solving my problem. So, I went to see a specialist. Everything was fine until the doctor went overboard with his conversation.

D: Are you still a student?

M: Yes.

D: You’re quite old to be a student. What are you studying?

M: -my course-

D: That’s a boring course. What’s your job perspective? Shouldn’t you have graduated. (counting with his finger) Yep, if it’s a 4-year program, you should’ve graduated few years ago. Did you started late?

M: (I was already annoyed) Yes, I did. I can become this and that.

D: Oh dear, that’s really boring – stuck in a room for  long time. Uffffff… It’s really is boring, innit?

Mind that he repeated the word “boring” a few times. It really got onto my nerves. But I had to hold it in cause I need him to suck the water out of my ear.

I really don’t understand why would a person, so educated, be so ignorant. I am your patient, the hospital’s customer. I paid for the service and did no wrong to you whatsoever.

Here’s what I have to say:

Regardless of who we are, we have to respect others. Everyone makes their own choice  because it’s their life. Not everyone enjoys being a doctor; be in medical school for 5 years, getting tortured for 2 years, having limited time with the loved ones and losing a few more years to build the career. Some people may even view being a medical practitioner as something lousy, nerdy and pitiful. The way we see life is not the same with everyone. I respect the profession,  in fact any profession. I was taught to respect everyone not just someone.

Here’s a piece of advise for myself, and others.

Don’t get trailed when you are at the top because who knows when things are going to tumble. Don’t brag when you have everything because it won’t last. Don’t belittle others because one day, you might be working for that person.

Until then, may peace be upon you.

Hard times

Tough times don’t last, tough people do.

More often than not, I have a terrible feeling when reminiscing my bad decision a few years ago. I still am facing the consequence. It is sometimes very hard to find the silver linings in it or rather I forget to be thankful with I have become of it.

When I hit rock bottom and reality stroke me, it was never pleasant. I kept comparing myself with others, I kept on thinking of the ‘what ifs’, I blame so many things and people for what had happened. I thought I’ve moved on but really, what is this alien feeling?

Everything happens for a reason. We don’t have to wait for it to make sense to start believing fate.

In hard times, it is only endurable when one has a source of strength. The strength could be anything; God, parents, children, future, promises, purpose of life.

Some people opt to end their precious life. Here is what I have to say.

You may do whatever you want because it is your life. The big question is, “Is it really yours? Did you create it? Was it you who made it?”. To die for a reason that is not worth dying for, what exactly are you trying to show? If it’s to run from a problem, shame or disappointment, is it really worth it?

What will happen to your loved ones? Your family. Your friends. Your cats and dogs and birds and fish and whatever it is you’re keeping as companion. Why would you be so selfish? Why do you have to live in your own bubble that you fail to recognise the beautiful things OUTSIDE of it.

Really, committing suicide isn’t the best solution for anything. There’s always a solution for everything, God wills. We have to believe in the higher power because human is limited in everything. That’s why we were created and not creating.

Keyboard

Adulthood is really catching up on me.

Today alone, I have to spend 250 bucks to get my keyboard fixed-talking about price hike and deflation.

A new built in keyboard and a lot of money. Doesn’t really suit a student’s pocket but I needed to get it fixed for school. That’s also the reason I’m writing this post- to test the God-knows-why-it’s-so-expensive buttons. So far, I am yet to adjust to its relatively hard and insensitive button. Hope that I could get the hang of it in short while. *err hello Mr Spacebar, why aren’t you making a space like you’re supposed to?!

Anyway, I believe that there could be a better deal somewhere else but I paid the price for being a bimbo who went straightway to just one shop.

It hurts me so much that it costs me my budget for the whole month.

So guys, if you are still a child or under your parents’ care, stop whining on why you’re still using iPhone 5. Money doesn’t come easily. Your parents are NOT your money-making machine. They are only supposed to equip us with the basic necessities. As long as you have a fully function phone, that is more than enough. Desires are devils if they’re not controlled.

Until then, appreciate what you already have. That is a key to happiness.

May peace be upon you.