Free-rider and victim player

I can’t believe that I’d encounter these childish memories again.

The difference is, I stand up for myself now.

I really hate it when there’s a person in my group not doing his/her job. I usually give people chances to prove me wrong. I got really angry when I’m not. Being in a group, regardless for whatever reason or how small the thing is, means that everyone has to play their role. Respond to every questions thrown, get involve in every discussion, complete your task, know your responsibility and all the common sense a cute 5 years old would have understood.

The second type of people which I find utterly, unbelievably rubbish are victim players; the VPs. These type of people are the ones who create the storm and hate the rain. But guess what, you got into your own trap. There’s this person whom I work with. She was nice and friendly. I realised that she was slowly becoming unfaithful with her job. One day, I texted her because she wasn’t being honest with her clock-out time. I asked her if she wrote it wrong and whether she’d like me to help her inform our manager that she had to go home early. She replied yes and so, I helped to inform  about her calamity because we weren’t allowed to leave early without a strong reason. Then, she got mad because I corrected her time-out. I was confused. Can you do the Math for me, please? Of course the manager would realise her incorrectly written time-out since the manager had been informed of her early departure. I just saved her bloody ass and she got mad at me!? Things were left as it is.

Recently, starting from last month, I realised that she’d been cheating her clock-in an clock-out time again. First, it was 30 minutes, it progressively became 3 hours. She dared to text me and A telling that she’s gonna be late and we’re allowed to leave early. Basically, she was trying to claim for the early hours and wanted to be fair. Neither me nor A replied her. Unfortunately, I was working double-shift and couldn’t leave early as she wanted me to and A wasn’t working the said shift. A was working the evening shift. I decided to discuss with A without disclosing her name because I wanted to have a neutral opinion just in case I got carried away by emotions.

A was spot on. I didn’t need to tell her name because guess what, she’s been doing it to everyone and A happened to realise it too. So, we got to a final decision and went to see our manager the next morning.

The manager wasn’t surprised because that girl is known for her troubles. The manager went to talk to her and listen to her part of the story. She was lying here and there, unconsciously setting her own trap. Later, she sent in her resignation text and expressed her ghastly sadness for being ‘backstabbed’.

There were dramas in between. A and I couldn’t be bothered, she was begging for sympathy and making us look bad.

Little did we know, she went to see the vice and told the vice her loop-sided story. She was stern on her decision to quit due to tremendous stress. Naturally, the manager was called in. When things were made clear, she had no one on her side. The manager was indeed pissed off. The manager tried her very best to keep it out from the vice so that the ungrateful child won’t get penalised for I) lying II) unprofessional behaviour and III) breaching the employment contract. Now that this small matter has become big, I doubt she’d feel anymore peace than she was.

Truth is, it’s really annoying to deal with these kind of people. When you try to correct them, they get angry. They want the results but don’t work for it. Let’s face it, people like these are still around. I wonder if there’s a rehab for them.

Readers, regardless of what religion you believe in, there’s this rule where we get what we give. Some call it karma. Be kind to one another.

Till then, may peace be upon you.

 

Heartbroken

Trust me, I tried to include a picture but the tech failed me.

Or maybe it’s helping me not to embarrass myself with my crude photography skills.

Anyway.

Who hasn’t been heartbroken? From Timberlake-Spears to Bieber-Gomez to Jolie-Pitt breakups. But I guess the most childish yet realistic heartbreak would be seeing your crush got hitched  by someone else. *laughs-cries-laughs-cries

Here I am, listening to Tat’s – B.O.M.O on repeat trynna make myself feel better.

Wait. Don’t get the wrong idea.

I have many crush-s (???). Never have I intended to come clean or confront because I know it’s all temporary. I’ve had a decade long crush on Daniel Radcliffe and guess what, it’s all history now. Oh, one national athlete was in my crush list for 3 years too but I decided to call it a quit when he got married. Bahahaha. I KNOW RIGHT. *rollseyes.

I don’t think it’s wrong to have hidden feelings for others as long as it doesn’t turn us into perverts (or monsters). However, it does cost us a lot – not wanting to wake up when you dream of your crush, replaying the dream over and over again, making the effort to create a new storyline based on that one dream and here’s the killjoy, knowing that you’d never be together.

So, here’s to those who get me:

We could be so damn good together, but I could do so much better on my own.

I’m better on my own, oh yeahh!

Till then, keep chasing your dream and peace be unto you.

Severus Snape

Many of my friends are well-informed that I’m an avid Potterhead. It’s just so hard for me to not like it even after re-running the series a few times.

I’ve to admit that I started watching HP with no expectation. I was 8. But, Daniel Radcliffe was so adorable that I could hardly wait for the new series. The gap period was a torture.

Like everyone else, I age with HP, gracefully I hope.

As I grow, I realised that my perspectives of the series evolved and still are.

Awhile ago, I tried to view the whole series in Snape’s perspective. My job was made easier with Pottermore. It was gobsmacking.

Viewers were surprised with the plot twist towards the end of the series. Snape who was once thought to be the villain was actually an unsung hero. Well, I’d call him stupid for not coming clean with Harry earlier but that won’t make it the HP we know today. Urm well, that also made Harry look bad – ungrateful.

Well, things are like that in real life too. Not appropriately acknowledged for our own work and worse, another person gets all the credit.

I learnt not to be judgemental. It’s hard not to jump into conclusion so quickly. To be able to think rationally and put aside our emotions are not easy but nothing is more ethical than that. We ought to mix our emotions when we decide instantaneously and that’s why first impressions aren’t always right. Ironically, people emphasise on that. Even when you’re out to buy some fancy fish, the fishmonger would unintentionally analyse you from top to toe. We’re living in a judgemental society. Who can we blame?

Bringing it to a different context – racism, phobias, supremacy, etc.

I have seen how people categorise others into whatever that suits them just by a few encounters – not all black people are gangsters, not all muslims are terrorists, not all white are great, not all Asians are “kiasu” (in fact, Asians aren’t just Chinese or Japanese), not all handicaps are disabled. People really need to stop labelling others.

My take home message is, stop judging and start to understand.

Till then, may peace be upon you.

Parents

I thought twice to write this.

I didn’t want people to misunderstand me but sometimes, I need the reminder.

When I was small, I couldn’t wait to be a grown up and have everything on my own. I thought life was very simple. Finish school, get a job, buy a house and a car. On days when no boy ruined my mood or I met a cute one, I even hoped for a husband. I’ve also planned to buy brilliant things for my parents and repay their deeds.

I don’t know if its age or peer pressure. Either one, it’s pushing me to do things instantly. As you may already know, I do part-time work and thank God, I’m paid every month accordingly. I have this urge to spend it on my family, especially my parents. I plan to bring them on a vacation, a short get-away. One that’s within my budget yet nice. It doesn’t have to be Europe or a 5-star hotel. As long as I can afford it and it’s fun for them, I’ll be more than happy.

However, my parents have not agreed to any of my proposals. They want me to save it for myself. They said I can do that once I’ve graduated and got a proper job.

I can’t even pay for their meals. I might have done it once but that’s because my parents forgot to withdraw their money and I was already sprinting to the cashier. I went straight to the toilet afterwards so they couldn’t catch me to pay me back.

Parents are one of our best treasure. The best gift in human form, really. They always put us first. They don’t mind starving whole day at work just so their children get their pocket money. They don’t mind working extra hard to earn more to ensure that their children get the best.

Sometimes they came back from work looking weary and we greeted them with, “You’re late dad/mom. Where’s food? I’m starving to death”. At times when they had nothing left in the pocket, we ungratefully asked them for money “Mom/Dad, I need RM15 for a school trip”, and when they asked us to wait or explained that they had no money for that, some of us refuse to understand. RM15 might seem little for some but not until you’re the one who have to work for it and pay for everything.

I get really upset when I see young teens getting all dressed up and wearing expensive clothes and make-up if I know that they’re not buying it using their hard-earned money. I know some people who spend beyond their limit and keep asking from their parents when I know they are from low to average-income family.

I’m not stopping them to enjoy their youth but there are so many ways to do it. Spending a small pool of money on a RM20 cup of coffee, RM200 jeans, RM300 shoes, RM15 movie ticket, RM10 on popcorn set and God-knows-what is just, ridiculous. I don’t mind if your parents are wealthy. Go ahead! I’m not going to stop you.

In short, I do think people need to learn and spend within their means. Secondly, we need to appreciate our parents. We’re not going to be here if it’s not for them. Thirdly, choices are ours, so do the responsibility of making the choice. Be wise.

Till then, may peace be upon you.

Hard times

Tough times don’t last, tough people do.

More often than not, I have a terrible feeling when reminiscing my bad decision a few years ago. I still am facing the consequence. It is sometimes very hard to find the silver linings in it or rather I forget to be thankful with I have become of it.

When I hit rock bottom and reality stroke me, it was never pleasant. I kept comparing myself with others, I kept on thinking of the ‘what ifs’, I blame so many things and people for what had happened. I thought I’ve moved on but really, what is this alien feeling?

Everything happens for a reason. We don’t have to wait for it to make sense to start believing fate.

In hard times, it is only endurable when one has a source of strength. The strength could be anything; God, parents, children, future, promises, purpose of life.

Some people opt to end their precious life. Here is what I have to say.

You may do whatever you want because it is your life. The big question is, “Is it really yours? Did you create it? Was it you who made it?”. To die for a reason that is not worth dying for, what exactly are you trying to show? If it’s to run from a problem, shame or disappointment, is it really worth it?

What will happen to your loved ones? Your family. Your friends. Your cats and dogs and birds and fish and whatever it is you’re keeping as companion. Why would you be so selfish? Why do you have to live in your own bubble that you fail to recognise the beautiful things OUTSIDE of it.

Really, committing suicide isn’t the best solution for anything. There’s always a solution for everything, God wills. We have to believe in the higher power because human is limited in everything. That’s why we were created and not creating.

Keyboard

Adulthood is really catching up on me.

Today alone, I have to spend 250 bucks to get my keyboard fixed-talking about price hike and deflation.

A new built in keyboard and a lot of money. Doesn’t really suit a student’s pocket but I needed to get it fixed for school. That’s also the reason I’m writing this post- to test the God-knows-why-it’s-so-expensive buttons. So far, I am yet to adjust to its relatively hard and insensitive button. Hope that I could get the hang of it in short while. *err hello Mr Spacebar, why aren’t you making a space like you’re supposed to?!

Anyway, I believe that there could be a better deal somewhere else but I paid the price for being a bimbo who went straightway to just one shop.

It hurts me so much that it costs me my budget for the whole month.

So guys, if you are still a child or under your parents’ care, stop whining on why you’re still using iPhone 5. Money doesn’t come easily. Your parents are NOT your money-making machine. They are only supposed to equip us with the basic necessities. As long as you have a fully function phone, that is more than enough. Desires are devils if they’re not controlled.

Until then, appreciate what you already have. That is a key to happiness.

May peace be upon you.

Troubled mind

How do you know when to stop?

There was an incident when a member wasn’t content with something. The decision was entirely made by the person-in-charge. I wasn’t involved although I did offer to help but no, my help wasn’t needed. The PIC wanted to do it on her own because it’s her job and we both agreed that my ‘power’ is nullified when I’m in her territory – sorting the teams was not within my ability. In order to respect the PIC, I backed out and played no role in sorting the teams.

However, since I was the leader, I was held responsible for everything. So, this lady texted me and poured out her dissatisfaction. I knew too little to tell her anything – why was she placed in that team, why those people weren’t in the same team, what were the qualifications to be in that or this team. The only thing everyone was told before the final list was published,

Don’t be disheartened and do not think that one team is better than the other. I tried my best to place people in their rightful positions and to accommodate those who are lacking. Both teams would have strengths and weaknesses but they’re hopefully overcame with the help of each member.”

I knew that when the PIC said that, I had to be prepared for any team I’m in. I had an open mind and heart. It wasn’t the case for this particular lady. Initially she said she understood that it’s due to her lacking. Then, she kept on pushing me to reason, or perhaps she was only wanting to speak nasty. I tried to console her. It could take me hours to tell every detail but I’ll save it for now. When I knew I couldn’t take it anymore, I asked her politely to consult the PIC. She refused and was stern on her decision to withdraw – two days before the competition.

I knew I won’t be able to talk her through. Thus, I stopped texting her. She wasn’t looking for a discussion. She was right outrageous and mad. Her words were hurtful and selfish. The fact she was attacking me and refused talking to the PIC showed that (1) she was scared of the PIC and (2) she was looking down on me. The fact that she couldn’t accept the result suggested that (1) she was self-centred, (2) irresponsible and (3) childish.

Truth is, she wasn’t the only person who wanted to be in the other team. However, the others were able to sooth themselves and take it positively. They were able to convey the message without causing any issue. One of them came to me and said, “I do personally feel that the decision is loop-sided but it is okay. There must be a reason why I am placed here and not there. I am still going to play.” That was about it. Things weren’t dragged or complicated.

Readers, I know that sometimes we face tough times but it’s not okay to pour it out on someone else. If you find that it doesn’t suit you, have a nice chat. Don’t instantaneously jump into conclusion. Find the right person to talk to. We have to be ready for any outcomes when we start doing something. If you are not willing to handle the possibilities, then, don’t even start. Be responsible with whatever you do.

Till then, may peace be upon you.

Curi tulang

Dear my future self,

Today, you witnessed another unethical act. Your shift-partner apparently manipulated the trust your employee gave to him. He came in 43 minutes late but still claim he came on time. Although he was in the compound but he’s not at his workplace. So, that doesn’t count. If that’s legit, then I could be snoring in the rec-room.

Now, he’s making an excuse of having a backache and slumping on the bean bag, next to his sweetheart.

I am mad. But I don’t know how to tell him nicely. That is one thing I have to learn.

Truth is, I have been annoyed by several occasions. He was almost always late for 5 to 15 minutes and I tried to understand him. However, this particular day, I was late by 5 minutes and he started to text me. Well, maybe he’s just reminding.

When we’re working, he always had his girl sitting at the counter as well. So, when there’s a customer, I had to do it most of the time.

Plus, we were reminded that if we inevitably need to discuss, we should be doing it at the social area which is next to the counter. Instead, he chose to discuss at the counter.

Logically, if you need to discuss, wouldn’t it be better to do if before or after your working hours? Why do it whilst working? You aren’t paid for that. If you hate your job so much, quit it. Ironically, he will take up any replacements. I guess, he’s a money-monster.

I plan to text our supervisor. I hate to do it but he needs to be advised.

So, future Alya, don’t make the same mistakes. You have to do your job even if it’s merely sitting behind the counter. That’s what you are paid for.

You shall not mix your personal matter with your work unless you really need to. In other words, be professional.

Till then, may my heart finds peace.

2017

I bet 2-inches of my hair that most bloggers would be writing about new year so I thought I shouldn’t miss the train (albeit I’m 5 days late). But, it’s still new, right?

Anyway, I didn’t quite get the fuss with new year celebration when I was younger -mind that I AM STILL YOUNG. Now that I am scared to even tell my age, I tots get why people celebrate new year. Easy! To acknowledge being a year older and to welcome wrinkles and all sorts of scary things. On serious-er note, it’s because of the public holiday.

I do not hate new year but I find it saddening because I am going to leave behind 2016 which I have been religiously writing down for 365 days. There were memories that I cherished and of course, loathed. Either way, they both taught me and I can proudly say, I’ve matured from 2015-Me.

Nonetheless, I really look forward to a better version of me in 2017. Having said that, here’s what I ought myself to do:

  1. Stop wasting time and procrastination no more
  2. Get healthy
  3. Read more
  4. Include pictures in the blog
  5. Be consistent in improving
  6. Be a smart buyer
  7. Be braver
  8. Trust yourself more
  9. Don’t get stuck in the past

Nine is enough at the moment! (It’s a hint for my birthday)

Well, what can I say, gotta walk the talk writing (???)

I wish everyone a happy new year and may all of our rightful-beneficial-2017-and-some-past-years-resolutions become reality this time.

Until then, may peace be upon you!

 

Fighting stress

Coping with stress at workplace

1. Take a break

Get away from the distressing scene for a while. Have a brisk walk, window shopping or if you’re prohibited from leaving the building, run an errand from another department. Changing the scenery alleviates the tension.

2. Exercise

You could do jumping-jack or resort to unobtrusive method. The easiest, take control of your breathing. Inhale deeply and let out a long exhale.

3. Change tasks

Juggling a few projects at once equals to tremendous pressure. Shift to another project you have under your belt when you find yourselves stuck with the one you’re doing atm. It gives you a clearer mind to come back rather than forcing it all at once.

4. Talk to a friend

Not necessarily to find solution but it’d help to clear the picture. For me, it’s like letting out gas. You gonna feel relieved after doing it (right?).

5. Find your own solution

Some chose to shout at the top of the mountain, some prefer sweating madly. You? You got to find your own way of managing the stress.


Book: Fritz, R. (2008). The power of a positive attitude. New York: American Management Association.