Leaving

I may not have the purest heart. In fact, I am struggling and I have been reflecting quite a lot these days.

Have you ever been in a situation where you know what you’re doing is wrong but you can’t help it? That is the sort of feelings I have.

I appreciate that everyone is different. We all require different things. The simplest thing; cleanliness. On one extreme, we have people with OCD and on the other end are people whom couldn’t care less. In between those two groups, are the rest of the world.

I, myself, am not an OCD. I took the test and I’m negative. It’s just that I like to have everything clean, ordered, placed properly and essentially, ready for whoever is using next. That’s just common sense, for me.

Our variety in characters are meant to be complemented. People complement each other like a jigsaw puzzle. I might be lacking in one area, so my friends will help me out and I’ll learn from them. Vice versa. Same thing if we’re talking about marriage. Things will only work out if both sides take responsibilities – takes two to tango.

However

The smallest matter would be disastrous if it’s not tackled. Theoretically, an empty cup is light when we first hold it. What if, we were to hold it for an hour without placing it down. Our arms will grow weaker. It’s not because the cup becomes heavier but because we are starting to lose our strength.

Because I believe in different personalities; I tried not to impose my belief on someone else. There were times when I just had to talk to someone for me to see from another angle.

It’s not easy and I fail to do it over and over again. At least, I tried. It’s hard to have a peace of heart when you consistently question other’s actions. “Why did he do that?”, “Why can’t she do this?”, “Why is it so hard to do this?” – I end up feeling exhausted trying to make sense of the world. In the end, I tell myself to just let it be. It is a heartache, still. Then again, problems aren’t solved that way. So, I braved myself and say it. Only to be answered with nonsense. This is when I know, I have to leave. So, I’m leaving.

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Losers

I am mad. Really mad.

I just don’t get it. Why can’t people be more responsible?

From not doing their job to dodging something with the most childish “I don’t know how” reason. Sure, I was born with all these knowledge. That was a sarcasm just in case your brain can’t understand it.

It really gets on my nerves when people blame their nature of being to not do something. Worse, if they refuse to do something just because they have no interest in it. Sure, just do what you gotta do like watching movies or travelling or playing because after all someone else will take care of the issue.

Grow up!

Stop being a jerk. Stop taking what is not yours. Stop blaming others for something they don’t do. Stop throwing false accusations.

Can you please do yourself a favour; have integrity.

 

Terror

I thought Islamophobic wasn’t a real thing.

It is still not.

If I may, this thing shall be called listen-only-don’t-study.

What divine religion would encourage killing?

I’d like to speak on behalf of muslims, we are not terrorist. We don’t kill people.

Those suicide-bombers aren’t us.

Can you please, differentiate us, the muslims, from terrorists.

There is no verse in the quran supporting whatever they are doing. When others offer peace, God decreed us to accept it at instant.

During war, muslims cannot kill elderly, children, pregnant women , animals nor can we demolish religious buildings and plants.

Oblivious people condemn halal meat, citing it’s a cruel tradition. Islam honours the animals. When slaughtering, the knife has to be really sharp and it has to be done once and for all right at the jugular vein. Do yourself a favour, study anatomy. In addition, other animals shall not see when the other is being slaughtered. The animals should reach a certain age to be slaughtered; the young ones are not to be slaughtered. So does its moms.

Islam empowers their women by giving them the liberty. Women are not restricted to learn, work and even join a war. The history of Aisyah r.a. , Asma’, and Khaulah, to name a few, are the proof. If today there is a community doing the opposite, know this, that’s not what Islam teaches.

Hijab, in a total contrast, is not an oppression but a liberation. It allows women to be represented by what is in their brain rather than merely on what they have for display. I personally think that the headscarf doesn’t add to foolishness. I must say that it hurts when people argue about it when in fact they know nothing.

I think it is time for us to stop labeling. Respect each other and live with honour.

Till then, peace be upon you.

We’re L.E.

When I was in college, I wrote an essay on intuition. The essay partially determined our final marks (the other half of the mark was evaluated from a group presentation). Essentially, students preferred topics that were heavily discussed and intuition wasn’t. I liked the subject for one reason; freedom of expression.

So, I did BOTH, presentation and essay on intuition. As far as I know, I was the only person who did that. Two facts – my class wasn’t taught anything on intuition and I was alone in the battlefield –  were enough to intimidate me, and everyone else. I had no one to discuss the topic and soon, internet became my best-friend – the only place where I could find answers to my question, or at least a clue.

When I submitted my first draft of the essay, the lecturer wasn’t happy. She told me to write a new one and it’d be better if I choose another topic. I didn’t know what was wrong because she said the whole essay wasn’t convincing. She gave me a very low grade; it was a D or an E, perhaps an F. I couldn’t remember.

I went back to my room only to feel more determined. I reminded myself that this subject was about the students, our views. I didn’t budge. I stuck with the topic and was ready to face any consequence of me going against my teacher’s advice. It wasn’t an act of rebellion, but I had something to tell and I wanted it to be heard. I knew the final marker would be a foreign marker so I wanted my thoughts to get international. I refused to be confined with the mindset of the people whom I’ve lived with. To make long story short, in the end, I received an A for the subject.

It could be to two things; either my final draft (essay) was waaayyy better than the first one OR I fit the international marker’s criteria of marking. For the sake of this post, let’s consider the later one, shall we?

Have you ever been in a situation where you think you’re right but people are disagreeing with you? For example, you designed a shirt and find it very attractive, but nobody bought it. Or you wrote a song and no one enjoyed it. Or you cooked a dish but it received no praises. Or have you known a person who was nobody in your area but turned out to be majestic at some other place?

I, in some way feel that everything has its own place. So do we. We might not be accepted in this society, but we might be someone in the other; Our style of managing might no work out very well with this group of people, but it may suit the other.

The question is, do we make adjustment to ourselves or do we find a place where we’re welcomed?

I do not have the answer.

It is our choice. When you’re fearless, that is when great things happen. Well, not all the time but at least, you have nothing holding you back from trying and you’ll end up somewhere close to where you want to be.

It’s not easy to challenge the tradition but if you have strong faith in what you do, and you know it’s going to benefit a lot of people, for good purpose, then I say, go for it.

One of the homegrown online business, FashionValet, has proved the society that we can be as big as we dream. The founders were nobody but today, their business worth millions. People could be saying things like they have the “network” or they’re from this-and-this families so it’s easier for them. That’s not the point here. Try looking from another perspective. They were innovative and saw the opportunity when no one had the guts to do it. Online shopping was not a thing back in early 2000 but they were brave enough to start the journey.

I might be challenged with something similar in the future. I hope that whoever deals with such situation will have faith in themselves and make the most out of it. Life isn’t really about proving ourselves to others, but it’s about us. To be able to put meaning in our journey and cherishes it when we’re old. We, are LIMITED EDITION.

Till then, may peace be upon you.

 

Hectic night

At the age of 24,

What can I do? What have I done?


Everyone else is already in their dreamland. Me; I couldn’t sleep.

I was lying on my bed, trying to sleep but there was an unfamiliar feeling. I was questioning my purpose of life.

I know for a fact that there are two life purposes –  to serve God and the humanity. Question is; HOW?

If you read Mitch Albom’s infamous Tuesdays with Morrie, there was a paragraph where he (actually, it’s Morrie) claimed that youth is when people feel most suffocated. They don’t understand life.

If it’s too estranged for you, then you might’ve come across the 3-phases of life: when you’re young, you have time and energy but no money; when you’re an adult, you have money and energy but no time; when you’re old, you have money and time but no energy.

So there simply isn’t a time when we have everything. How are we supposed to achieve anything if that’s the case?

Perhaps, Morrie is right. We have to live the moment – don’t think of yesterdays or tomorrows.

Social media sure did some damage to us. I am guilty as charge. I wanted to have what others have. I wanted more. Wasn’t I satisfied? I don’t know.

I know I have a family who is always rooting for me and I thought to myself; what is it that I can do for them?

Then, I feel trapped.

; because I know I have an obligation to fulfill, an expectation to meet.

They didn’t ask for it but I just feel it.

Then again, what’s living? That’d be the hardest question yet to answer.

Does the “waking up at 6, do the 9 to 5 work and perhaps some social life before hitting the sack” routine considered as living? Isn’t repeating things a robot’s job? Are we then, robots?


I think I’m through for today.

My heart feels lighter now.

Thanks for reading. And oh, I’d love to hear read your thoughts!

Until then, may peace be upon you.

White lies

People lie to conceal.

I know I did.

Sometimes, lying is the only way to protect ourselves and/or the people around us. A mom has to lie saying that the new doll is ugly when in fact she can’t afford it. A sister has to pretend she’s OK because she has to put a smile on her younger siblings. Doctors have to act brilliant because the patients are relying on them.

Yesterday, I had a pep talk with my colleague. She said,

Life is fair.

I didn’t buy her. I know that life isn’t.  It’s just how nature works – or is it how we manipulate the world. In short, how we see things.

I have a feeling that I’m going to ramble in this post. I really do.

Okay, breathe in, breathe out.

White lies. I have been lied too many times than I could remember. AND. I have told numerous lies too. With every stage of life, the reason for me lying changes.

When I was a kid, I lied because I didn’t want to feel left out. When I was a teenager, I lied because I wanted to be free. When I was a young adult, I lied because I wasn’t ready to spill the bean. None of these reasons justify my action. I did it anyway for myself and hopefully for the people that I loved. – I lied. Again. I did it because I don’t want to be judged.

I knew all along that lying isn’t good. No one should live in lies. And I had been telling myself everytime I intend to fabricate things, lie doesn’t stop at one, it starts at one.

Things aren’t make easier if people were to be honest all the time. Truth hurts more at times. People go crazy over some newly-found facts, they regretted their curiosity. Would you be ready to be told that your long-time lover is attracted to your sexual attractiveness rather than your soul? Would you be fine to find out that the parents you knew are actually serial killers? Would you not get flustered to discover that your crush is actually your family?

Life is complicated. We’re entangled. We’re so diverse that it’s almost impossible to find a common ground.

Alas, that doesn’t serve as a reason for us to be ruthless and ignorant. No matter how hard life hits us, we have to get back on our foot. Regardless of how unjust things are, we have to move on. Make our lives better for our own, not for others.

Till then, may peace be upon you.

A review: Goblin

Recently, I’ve finished watching a Korean series i.e. Goblin. Despite finding that some of the scenes were too fictional, I enjoyed watching it.

Perhaps it’s due to me studying human brain at the moment, I find that the writer(s) somehow did some scientific research. This is one of the attributes I admire in Korean entertainment. The information relayed are mostly based on research and not by mere guessing.

There was one episode in Goblin where the heroin lost her memory. She’d cry when it’s raining, she’d subconsciously answer to ‘strangers’, she’d go to places and not feeling estranged, etc. I wonder what was the science behind this.

Apparently, human has two types of memories. Explicit and implicit.

Explicit memories are memories you can convey, recall and explain verbally or in writing.

Implicit memories, however, is the total opposite. Muscle memory is one of it. A dancer could’ve not been dancing for years but she/he could still pull the move albeit being slightly awkward. These are the things which the logic brain could not explain.

I guess that is what happening to in that particular episode of Goblin.

I’ll continue writing soon. Hopefully.

May peace be upon you!

What has tech done to us?

I am far than a pessimist conventionalist nor did I just evolved from cave-man era.

But, it stroke me this morning after watching a clip on translating-earpiece which aims to break language barrier. You just have to plug the tiny machine into you ear and connect it with smartphone apps. Then, you can speak with anyone who doesn’t speak the languages you know because the tech will do the job for you.

Of course! It’s a great invention. I’d buy it too if it cost me pennies and not a fortune. Then I can, you know, find some dashing Koreans or Russians and start a conversation. *yeah right!

However, from a different perspective, what is the tech actually doing to us?

I think, it promotes indolence to learn. Well, I’m not implying it to EVERYONE but to some who -by nature- is lazy.

I believe that there’s a difference between real conversation with learned language and kinda-real conversation with translation apps. Try translate, “saya minta diri dulu” and soon you’ll see Mr. G got it wrong. It was just a direct translation word for word.

Badenegen (read: but then again), inventors could have overcome this issue and here I am writing this down because I’m too overwhelmed with my assignments.

Okay peeps, that’s reality hitting me. Gotta finish it, now.

Until then, peace be upon you!