Opening up

By far, it’s the second hardest thing after saying goodbye. My novice philosophical mind tells me it’s because we’re actually giving a piece of ourselves to someone else. Naturally, we feel comfortable talking with someone whom we trust.

Today, I mustered up my courage to tell some of my closest friends something that I’d been hiding for quite sometime. Well, it wasn’t so bad. Unsurprisingly, I still owe them a Skype conversation and a meet-up.

Sometimes, when people are having hard times, all they need is time. I know that for a fact. The glorious “time heals” is in fact true. It’s not because time has magic or antidote to it, but it’s because we grow over time. With every second that we reflect upon ourselves and becoming more accepting of what has happened, we become stronger – mentally and thus, physically.

Baby steps.

It’s okay to do it slowly.

Till then, may peace be upon you.



Tuesdays With Morrie

It took me almost half a decade before succumbing to the idea of reading this book. It started when I noticed that my friend listed this book as her all-time favourite – and if I’m not imagining things, she also said that this book is life changing.

 I wasn’t sure if I’d like the book as much as she did. We had different personalities and we didn’t really share the same interest. I liked Ed Sheeran, she prefered Linkin Park. I like Harry Potter, she watched documentaries. In most things, she was always ahead of me. The only thing that I was probably better was sports – I played more sports than she did. Ironically, we were best friends. Perhaps this is the law of opposites as discussed in the book.

The book didn’t really get me in the beginning because, let’s be honest, I hated the fact that Albom didn’t visit Morrie though he promised that. Sooner than I expected, I realised that I am doing it too. I promised my pre-U teachers that I’d visit them but I haven’t done it till today. I had my reasons, so did Albom. The only difference is that my teacher mentioned me on her Facebook (yes, we’re friends on Facebook), asking me to visit. Twice.

Love others or, perish. That’s tough love. I realised that I am full of hatred. In this book, Morrie told Albom to forgive himself before forgiving others. It’s hard, really. First, people very rarely admit their mistakes. We blame others – I blame others for failing. Mothers blaming doctors for wrongful pregnancy. Parents blaming teachers for their children misconducts. When we refuse to embrace, we’ll never detach. Morrie encouraged us to deal with it and move on. We’ll never proceed if we’re overwhelmed with regrets, thinking of how things could’ve been if we didn’t take the step. I know I did – Would my life be the same had I listened to my heart? I have to let it go so that I can embrace a new journey, to see the open doors instead of the one that’s closed for me.

I can’t blame others when they’re just physically present during meet-ups. The art of communication is dying with every passing day. People talk via social medias. That’s just how things work now, don’t they? This book tells us to indulge in every conversation we’re having. To be present. During discussions or conversations made over a cup of coffee, we shouldn’t be messing our head with things that we have next or things that has happened before. The only way to connect is to give one’s full attention. Gotta say, I’m quite good at putting in the “oh”, “urm, what do  you think”, “really” and producing seemingly genuine laughter when in fact, I drifted away most of the time. It’s just me. I got lost easily.

I’ve reflected so much whilst reading this book. I have to say, my friend was right when she said it’s her fav book. I think I’m fond of it too. Things I wrote are just a few of the gems. Like Morrie said, it’s never too late.

Till then, may peace be upon you.

Eid 2017… and NS E-day!

*swoosh, swoosh, sreetttt, bukk*

Uh, the jingles of Raya eve. As usual, we get busy the day before raya. Real busy – cooking rendang (traditional dish), making kuah kacang (peanut sauce?) to eat with ketupat (compacted rice) and never the least, cleaning the house. Some did last-minute shopping too. *hands-up* Guilty as charge!

But this year raya felt a bit different. My family wasn’t really thrilled by raya but it’s the (then) upcoming engagement. Everyone was pretty much busy with their assigned tasks. I was in charge of the flight tickets, seats arrangement, planning the schedule, etc. – I know there’s a name for this job but my vocab fails me today. I was also the runner at some point. Driving here and there to buy and pick up the last-minute touch up.

The man of discussion wasn’t home until a day before the whole trip started. We had to do things on our own with his relatively laissez-faire (wow, IB thought me well!) approach. I got to thank him for that because otherwise we could go nuts to meet his detailed expectations. *wipesweats*

Btw, the engagement took place in Sarawak. So, we had to fly – because travelling by boats/ferries took longer and driving there didn’t make any sense.

The voyage consisted of 19 people. FYI, that’s a big group for an engagement. So, dwelling with a majority elderly group sure was a test. I was very lucky to be sandwiched (in reality, nominated volunteered) by two amazing yet highly-dependent women in the first row. Seating on the left row was a handsome actor (with his wife and two children. Of course!). My grandmom was seating nearest to him and actually made small conversations with him whilst I was trying hard not to fangirling. Guess who failed miserably? I couldn’t stop starring at him albeit his adorable sons and pretty wife presence. So, I stared at the stewardess instead and gave her plenty of awkward smiles.

So, we arrived in Sarawak after two hours. We were greeted by the soon-to-be fiance and her parents.

That’s it for Part 1.

p/s: Pardon me for the abrupt ending. Hopefully there’ll be Part 2.

Till then, may peace be upon you.

Hectic night

At the age of 24,

What can I do? What have I done?

Everyone else is already in their dreamland. Me; I couldn’t sleep.

I was lying on my bed, trying to sleep but there was an unfamiliar feeling. I was questioning my purpose of life.

I know for a fact that there are two life purposes –  to serve God and the humanity. Question is; HOW?

If you read Mitch Albom’s infamous Tuesdays with Morrie, there was a paragraph where he (actually, it’s Morrie) claimed that youth is when people feel most suffocated. They don’t understand life.

If it’s too estranged for you, then you might’ve come across the 3-phases of life: when you’re young, you have time and energy but no money; when you’re an adult, you have money and energy but no time; when you’re old, you have money and time but no energy.

So there simply isn’t a time when we have everything. How are we supposed to achieve anything if that’s the case?

Perhaps, Morrie is right. We have to live the moment – don’t think of yesterdays or tomorrows.

Social media sure did some damage to us. I am guilty as charge. I wanted to have what others have. I wanted more. Wasn’t I satisfied? I don’t know.

I know I have a family who is always rooting for me and I thought to myself; what is it that I can do for them?

Then, I feel trapped.

; because I know I have an obligation to fulfill, an expectation to meet.

They didn’t ask for it but I just feel it.

Then again, what’s living? That’d be the hardest question yet to answer.

Does the “waking up at 6, do the 9 to 5 work and perhaps some social life before hitting the sack” routine considered as living? Isn’t repeating things a robot’s job? Are we then, robots?

I think I’m through for today.

My heart feels lighter now.

Thanks for reading. And oh, I’d love to hear read your thoughts!

Until then, may peace be upon you.