Finding balance: Considerate

It’s easier to confront your enemy than your friends.

In my case, it takes full anger to actually be able to spill the beans to both. I wasn’t so kind when I was younger. I used to be able to speak my mind without really care what others think. But, I guess maturation made me realise that I have to consider others too.

Being considerate is a good thing because, let’s face it, we don’t have the whole world to ourselves. However, at times, it’s hard to be considerate when (1) things are coherently wrong, (2) its jeopardising us, (3) we are taken for granted.

#1: There’d be a time when we have to make choices. Somehow, we know that one is better than the other. Since being considerate is considered adult, we ought to choose the less favoured one but has mutual benefit. We have to be satisfied with the choice even if our heart wants the other way. Brain wins over heart. However, when one choice is vividly wrong, then, honesty is virtue. We have to stand up for ourselves and break the silence (if ever there is). This brings us to point #2.

#2: I used to think we have to give our all to help others. I was wrong. We should always put ourselves first and then, try to help others as much as we could. Of course, we will look noble if we are being selfless. But again, define selfless. Don’t we have a value too? Why does others matter more than we do? If we are all equal, then, we have a value too. So, why not do our self a favour first, then only do it for others. If you find that giving charity is defining you, then, that’s your value. If you find that, spending some alone time makes you, you; then that’s your value. In short, whatever defines us and gives us satisfaction, that’s our value. Or in other cases, if making a certain decision puts us at stake of being fired, blamed, failed, etc. which in the end making us miserable, then we don’t have to be a yes-man anymore. In short, when others are trying to stray us away from our value or jeopardising us, that is when we stop being considerate. We mould our lives, not others. They can only influence but it’s us who’s going to allow it or not.

#3: Everyone will make full use of everything they have. It’s called manipulation. It’s both sweet and bitter. It’s really good when we are able to capitalise on everything we have in hand. For example, we have eggs, flour and some sugar. Instead of bugging others to buy us food, we can make our own pancakes. Or if we don’t have money, then we work for it rather than borrowing it from others. On the other hand, there are people who take advantage of others (manipulating others) for their own sake. These are people who make it difficult to be considerate. They may or may not realise what they’re doing; or it could be us who’s the predator so we have to check ourselves too. If we’re asking too much, too frequent, too hard, whatever too there is, then we might be taking advantage of others. Everytime we ask for a favour, ask ourselves first, if we’re in their situation, what’d we do? Have we done anything that deserves their courtesy? Have they even ask us something similar? Are they at the capacity to do such thing? Are we being selfish? Sometimes, considerate people look vulnerable because they can’t say NO. The perks of saying “yeah, sure” for most of the times is it gives others the opinion that, they’re fine with everything. Believe me, these people have feelings and at times, they’re pushed to being overly considerate because they don’t want to hurt others’ feelings.

This isn’t me being unhappy with my life. I am thankful with the life I have. Rather, I am writing to let others know: There’s always a balance in everything. We have to be considerate to others but there’s a limit. We can ask from others but there’s a fine line between asking a favour and dropping an instruction. Tips: favours/helps/assistance can always be declined and we shouldn’t put our hopes too high. Let’s live a better life, shall we?

May peace, be upon you.

 

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