I applied for a part time job.
The initial intention was to be able to survive on my own. I was happy because that was all I could think of. I didn’t have time to look at others, let alone judging. I knew that I have to do my job because I’m paid for it and because I believe in the concept barakah (blessings from God).
I’ve read somewhere; if you get paid less from what you’ve worked for, then believe that you’re being paid in some other ways and if you get paid more whilst doing nothing/playing with your job, then know that you’ll lose the money inadvertently. You’ll know if you deserve it or not.
So, I needed someone to swap their shift with mine because I have something to do on this particular weekend. Just for the note, weekend’s rate is higher than weekdays. Logically, I would swap it with another weekend too, well, because you know…
My colleague offered me weekdays shifts. Notice the ‘s’ in the word? Yap, I had to take two cheaper slots (which still don’t make up to the total I am supposed to be paid on Sunday) in exchange for one more-expensively-paid Sunday albeit I explicitly proposed another Sunday. Too cut long story short, I had to take the offer because I was desperate. That pal even asked me, “Why don’t you just ‘burn’ it?” I mean, would you even do it?
I had unsettling feeling. I felt it wasn’t fair and that the other party was just trying to make more money and being cheap. All the bad thoughts filled my mind. Until…
I realised that I had been spending too much time on social media. I got sensitive to everything and that’s just not me. My heart was constantly unease. I felt suffocated in my uncontrollable emotions. I couldn’t rationalise things and I was pessimistic about almost everything.
That evening, I went to a complete solitude. Just me and God. I cried because I knew that I was astray and that I’ve let the worldly matters got the better of me. I knew I had lost the balance. I knew that I’ve been blinded by wealth.
It’s not easy when the things that you have high hopes for, or depend on are taken away from you. Then, I knew I was wrong because I forgot the reason I started the journey.
I’ve tried everything I could; persuaded, offered another exchange, asked the other colleagues but it was all to no avail. I knew that I’ve tried my best but things still didn’t work out and because I’ve tried hard, I didn’t lose. It’s just not my time yet.
Until then, may peace be upon you… and me!