King Money

I applied for a part time job.

The initial intention was to be able to survive on my own. I was happy because that was all I could think of. I didn’t have time to look at others, let alone judging. I knew that I have to do my job because I’m paid for it and because I believe in the concept barakah (blessings from God).

I’ve read somewhere; if you get paid less from what you’ve worked for, then believe that you’re being paid in some other ways and if you get paid more whilst doing nothing/playing with your job, then know that you’ll lose the money inadvertently. You’ll know if you deserve it or not.

Right…

So, I needed someone to swap their shift with mine because I have something to do on this particular weekend. Just for the note, weekend’s rate is higher than weekdays. Logically, I would swap it with another weekend too, well, because you know…

My colleague offered me weekdays shifts. Notice the ‘s’ in the word? Yap, I had to take two cheaper slots (which still don’t make up to the total I am supposed to be paid on Sunday) in exchange for one more-expensively-paid Sunday albeit I explicitly proposed another Sunday. Too cut long story short, I had to take the offer because I was desperate. That pal even asked me, “Why don’t you just ‘burn’ it?” I mean, would you even do it?

I had unsettling feeling. I felt it wasn’t fair and that the other party was just trying to make more money and being cheap. All the bad thoughts filled my mind. Until…

I realised that I had been spending too much time on social media. I got sensitive to everything and that’s just not me. My heart was constantly unease. I felt suffocated in my uncontrollable emotions. I couldn’t rationalise things and I was pessimistic about almost everything.

That evening, I went to a complete solitude. Just me and God. I cried because I knew that I was astray and that I’ve let the worldly matters got the better of me. I knew I had lost the balance. I knew that I’ve been blinded by wealth.

It’s not easy when the things that you have high hopes for, or depend on are taken away from you. Then, I knew I was wrong because I forgot the reason I started the journey.

I’ve tried everything I could; persuaded, offered another exchange, asked the other colleagues but it was all to no avail. I knew that I’ve tried my  best but things still didn’t work out and because I’ve tried hard, I didn’t lose. It’s just not my time yet.

Until then, may peace be upon you… and me!

 

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Dear Credence,

Since few years back, I taught myself to read between the lines. Especially, when the words/pictures came from gifted artists. I have been an avid Potterhead since 2002, when I first watched the series. Well, a big part of it was due to the now-aged Mr. Radcliffe and my love for imaginations.

Now that J. K. Rowling wrote the Fantastic Beast and Where to Find Them and unexpectedly t’was made into another sequel, I couldn’t help but to watch it and fall in love once again.

No, I’m not going to review the movie because it won’t do justice to the written piece.  I mean, we gotta admit, screenplay is waaaaayyyy simplified compared to hundreds of pages novel. Aite?

Anyways…

In Fantastic Beast, there’s a character named Credence. He’s a guy who lives with a foster mother and few adopted siblings. He was the oldest of the pack. The mother was scared of wizards and would basically do anything to get rid of them.

For some reasons, he was sought by a transfigured wicked wizard; Grindelwald and was told to do things beyond his comfort zone. Thus, he always got home late and was punished by the mother.

Credence, to me, is a symbol of domestic violence and bullying victim:

He would keep everything to himself, gave his trust to the wrong person and got  betrayed, blamed for things he didn’t do and was taken advantage of. Until one time, he exploded into what they called, “obscurus”- a supressed magical ability that grows to become uncontrollably dangerous.

This to me, dear readers, shows that a quiet person ‘has it all’ too. The ones who people thought didn’t have a voice are actually having bigger voice. The ones who people assumed would not get mad and be okay with just everything we do, are indeed, waiting for the right moments to unleash the inner beast. The ones who have been treated as the sidekicks or extras are in fact, a growing lead players. They are people whose kindness are taken for granted.

People don’t try to acknowledge them because they are not some pathetic attention-seekers or super sensitive spoiled brats- they have what most people are lacking; self-integrity.

We can see this phenomenon in our daily life, at least I do.

As Ellen DeGeneres always say, “be kind to one another. Treat people the way we want to be treated.”

Do yourself a favour, be kind to others. Don’t be extremely self-centred. People’s lives don’t revolve around yours. Give them space to do whatever they want because for goodness sake, they don’t have to disclose everything to you and they do not have to succumb to your needs at all!

Here’s a thing, when you ask for help, you will have to remind yourself that you ought to receive the help or get rejected. If you happened to be denied the help, you should never, ever have any ill-feeling towards the person. And if they are willing to help you,  do not expect too much or start to treat them like some sort of a maid.

I truly belief that the world would be a happier place if everyone knows their boundaries.

Till then, peace!

 

UPSR

Early this week, UPSR results came out.

I couldn’t care less because I don’t know anyone who sat for it last September. I was surprised to know that less than 5 thousands candidate managed to get straight As. But, what surprised me most was, there’re 6 subjects/papers (it was only 5 during my time). Obviously, I didn’t read much paper.

Anyways, jokes and political arguments aside.

I know how unfathomable the despair of not getting straight As is. Believe me, I do.

I was a straight As candidate. I’ve always managed to get it in every trials. However, during the real examination, I was short of 1. T’was the most difficult thing a 12 years old me had to face. I still remember vividly the day when the result was announced. My peers and I, together with our parents, were waiting in a three-classroom long indoor seminar hall. I sat at the very back of the room. Some parents were sitting behind me. Mostly, my friends’ parents and my mom.

So, one of the admin team (who is also our teacher) gave a brief speech regarding our achievements and whatnot. Then, she started to announce students who got straight As. I waited, and waited. I realized they were calling names in alphabetical order. Then, I knew something was wrong when my friend who’s name is after me in that order was called. “Did they skipped me?” or “Am I the best student who’d be called last?” or “Did I not hear them calling me?”.

I had partial realization; turned back to my mom and gave her the “No mom, I didn’t make it this time”. I started to tear up. Slowly, the quiet cry  became a loud sob. I felt the world crashing on me. I couldn’t see the future and my mind was blank. As empty as a cold white isolated room. I know, it sounds dramatic for adults who’re reading it. Truth is, that’s how big of a deal UPSR means to a primary 6 students.

To make things short, I went to the examination board (yup people, how incredibly in denial I was) and submitted an appeal to recheck my results only to receive “Your grades remain” a few months after. I promised myself not to visit the school ever again. #dontjudgebecauseyouarealwaysstraightAstudents

Kids,

As far as I have written, you might think that I’m on your side and will agree with everything you do. But let me help you.

Truth sucks, I know. Nevertheless, you’ll have to deal with it. Albeit being denied to enter a boarding school (I’ve always wanted it) and not being celebrated as straight A’s student, I made it through.

When I had to go to normal school who apparently was labeled as ‘underperformed school’, I told myself: I will do my very best in this school and prove that it’s me who dictates my success and not the school. I will graduate from this school with achievements that people ought I’ll be deprived of.

With that resolutions carved in my heart and mind, Alhamdullilah, I was announced the best students for the whole three years of lower secondary. Then, I was offered a place in boarding school and things went on smooth.

You see kids, life will always find a reason to knock you down. But you HAVE to fight back. There’s so much life can offer, but only to those who persevered. Now, cheer up. You can’t change the past but you can always create your future. Work for it! Things won’t come easy but you’ll find strength, insya Allah. Ask for God’s mercy.

Till then, may peace be upon you!

p/s: Congratulations for being the first ever to be tested on HOTS! Sure, this deserve a separate discussion.

What has tech done to us?

I am far than a pessimist conventionalist nor did I just evolved from cave-man era.

But, it stroke me this morning after watching a clip on translating-earpiece which aims to break language barrier. You just have to plug the tiny machine into you ear and connect it with smartphone apps. Then, you can speak with anyone who doesn’t speak the languages you know because the tech will do the job for you.

Of course! It’s a great invention. I’d buy it too if it cost me pennies and not a fortune. Then I can, you know, find some dashing Koreans or Russians and start a conversation. *yeah right!

However, from a different perspective, what is the tech actually doing to us?

I think, it promotes indolence to learn. Well, I’m not implying it to EVERYONE but to some who -by nature- is lazy.

I believe that there’s a difference between real conversation with learned language and kinda-real conversation with translation apps. Try translate, “saya minta diri dulu” and soon you’ll see Mr. G got it wrong. It was just a direct translation word for word.

Badenegen (read: but then again), inventors could have overcome this issue and here I am writing this down because I’m too overwhelmed with my assignments.

Okay peeps, that’s reality hitting me. Gotta finish it, now.

Until then, peace be upon you!

Lead; not boss

It’s never been easy to become the head.

There’d be people who would agree, some who don’t, some who pretend to agree and some who just don’t care. How do you find balance and call a decision which benefits most, if not all.

Truth is. I don’t know either.

It’s even harder in countries where hierarchy is tensed. Newcomers aren’t allowed to talk back or even throw in suggestions because, well, you’re NEW. You don’t know as much as the veterans do. But them, on the other hand, have all the rights to criticize and tell you off. Just because, they can. Who’re you to question?

As much as I like the multiracial community and reportedly harmonious relationship between us, I seek to improve the conventional way of working.

As a person, I really emphasize mutual respect. Respect knows no boundary. Regardless of your age, skin , language, religion, you-name-it, we’ll still have to respect everyone (in fact, every creature) we meet. Even to ex-convict;  who are we to say bad things about them. They have been sentenced and hopefully received their penalty accordingly and we have no rights to judge.

I had to preside an organization. Which means I have to work with the team. I’d discuss with the high committee before passing down the information. Well, discussion is an active process where it’s expected that everyone would participate. Somehow, in some cases, they just don’t bother to give opinions or at least say yes/no. It got me thinking, how is it going to be if this person head for a working life later.

More than that, I wonder how would a great leader solve this kind of problem. I hate to coerce things. I’d like it to be a voluntary action. So that, if it benefits, everyone will find pride for things that they do and acknowledge it as a fun experience. Or, if it fails, everyone will still be able to cherish the moments and learn from the mistakes instead of blaming one another. Isn’t it healthier to work that way rather than going around and making a big fuss out of it?

Perhaps, this is something that we need to learn. To find joy and be responsible in everything that we do. After all, I do believe that happiness is an inside job. It’s an inner strength which will shine those who managed to find it.

Till then, see ya!